Caught Between Two Cultures: Understanding First Gen Mental Health

Caught between Two Cultures: Understanding First Gen Mental Health

You love your family. You're grateful for their sacrifices. And also? Sometimes you feel like you're suffocating under the weight of their expectations.

If you're a first generation American—or 1.5 gen, meaning you immigrated young—you know exactly what I'm talking about. The guilt. The pressure. The constant feeling of being caught between two worlds and not fully belonging to either.

Too American for your family. Too "ethnic" for everyone else. Never quite enough of anything.

This is first gen mental health. And it's more complicated than most people understand.

What "first gen" actually means

When I say first generation, I'm talking about people who are:

• The first in their family born in the U.S. (while parents immigrated), or

• 1.5 generation—meaning you were born elsewhere but immigrated as a child

• One of your parents is an immigrant

Either way, you're straddling two cultures. You're the bridge between your family's traditions and the American world you're navigating. And that bridge? It's exhausting to hold.

The unique Mental Health Challenges

First gen mental health struggles don't always look like "typical" anxiety or depression. They're layered with cultural context that most therapists miss.

Here's what I see with my first gen clients:

The guilt is constant. Guilt for wanting different things than your parents expected. Guilt for being "too American." Guilt for not speaking your native language fluently. Guilt for having opportunities your parents never had. Guilt for not being grateful enough.

You feel responsible for everyone. Translating documents at age 8 trained you to be the family problem-solver. Now you're managing everyone's emotions, finances, or immigration paperwork—and nobody asks if you're okay.

Boundaries feel like betrayal. In many immigrant cultures, family is everything. So when you need space, or you make a choice your family doesn't approve of, it feels like you're abandoning them. Even if you're just... living your life.

Success comes with pressure. You're not just achieving for yourself—you're achieving for everyone who sacrificed to get you here. That's a lot of weight to carry into every job interview, every exam, every life decision.

You don't feel "enough" anywhere. Too assimilated to connect with relatives back home. Too "other" to fully fit in here. Code-switching between languages, behaviors, and identities depending on who you're with.

Your family doesn't "believe" in mental health. Therapy might be seen as shameful, unnecessary, or "for white people." So you suffer in silence, because asking for help feels like admitting weakness—or worse, embarrassing your family.

Here's what I wish more people understood about first gen mental health:

You can love your family and be hurt by them at the same time. These aren't contradictions. Both can be true. You don't have to choose.

Your parents' trauma is not your responsibility to fix. Many immigrant parents carry unprocessed trauma—from poverty, war, displacement, or discrimination. You can have compassion for that AND recognize that their coping mechanisms may have harmed you.

Setting boundaries is not the same as abandoning your culture. You can honor your roots and still say no. You can respect your elders and still protect your peace. These are not either/or.

You're allowed to want different things. A different career. A different relationship. A different life than what your parents imagined. That doesn't make you ungrateful. It makes you human.

Why traditional therapy often misses this

Most therapy approaches were developed by and for white, Western, individualistic cultures. That means they often emphasize:

• Independence over interdependence

• "Cutting off" toxic family instead of navigating complexity

• Individual healing without understanding collective/generational trauma

• Boundaries as rigid rules instead of flexible negotiations

If you've ever felt like a therapist didn't "get" your family dynamics—you're not wrong. Cultural context matters. And first gen experiences require a therapist who understands that your family isn't just "toxic" or "enmeshed"—it's complicated, loving, frustrating, and shaped by survival.

What actually helps

Here's what I recommend for first gen clients:

Find a therapist who gets it. Ideally someone who understands immigration, cultural identity, and intergenerational dynamics. You shouldn't have to spend sessions explaining why you can't "just set a boundary" with your mom.

Separate guilt from values. Ask yourself: Am I doing this because I genuinely value it, or because I'm afraid of disappointing someone? Both are valid, but knowing the difference helps you make real choices.

Grieve what you didn't get. Maybe your parents couldn't be emotionally available because they were surviving. That's understandable—and you're still allowed to grieve the childhood you needed.

Build your chosen family. Find people who get both sides of you—the American you and the cultural you. Community is healing.

Redefine what "honoring your family" means. Maybe it's not about obedience. Maybe it's about becoming someone who's whole, healthy, and able to show up for yourself AND them.

You're not betraying anyone by taking care of yourself

If you're a first gen or 1.5 gen person struggling with guilt, identity, family pressure, or feeling caught between worlds—I see you. And I get it.

I specialize in working with first generation individuals navigating cultural identity and family expectations. You don't have to choose between your roots and your mental health. We can work on both.

Ready to talk?

I offer virtual therapy in Illinois, North Carolina, Texas, and Ohio. If this post resonated, let's connect.